Chiggers

They're back.

Every summer, tiny evil creatures emerge from the yard and try to hold us captive in our house. Our only defense is to tuck our socks over our pantlegs, stuff our shirts into our pants and douse ourselves in bugspray. It's not pretty. If you leave the house unprotected, they will scamper up your legs, find your most vulnerable parts and dig in. The aftermath is almost unbearable - just one bite brings an insane itch that will drive you to distraction and will keep you awake at night, scratching until your skin dissolves into bloody shreds protests.

I speak from experience. Once, I had over 80 bites on my body at the same time.

Of course, I am talking about Chiggers.

If you live in the Midwest, you know what they are. If you don't, stop and offer up a prayer of thanksgiving. No, really - do it. (scratch scratch) Now.

Next week, I am visiting Ohio, where there are no chiggers. I can't wait to sit in the grass again and not be afraid. Until then, I'm going to spend some quality time indoors.